I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
