My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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