I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
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