Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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