We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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