I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
