so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
