ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
