last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
