I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
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She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
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We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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