i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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