dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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