Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
