Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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