I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
