i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
