Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
