just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
