fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
