stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
