"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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