i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
