Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
