why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
