Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
