i dont even know how to be here
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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