he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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