Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
