she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize