Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?