At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
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But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
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Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place