I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
