god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
ugly people sure do ruin things
I checked into jail on foursquare
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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