Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
