Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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