Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
