WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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