She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I've blown a few things in my day
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
