I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
