i barfeds in our rink
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
