I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
