remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I think a kid would responsible me up
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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