So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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