Quick, to the slutcave!
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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