im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
