Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
