Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize