Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
