hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
