We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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