On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
