I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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