We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
