In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
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He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
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I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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