fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
