I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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