No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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