My room smells like vodka and shame
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
