I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
