eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Randomize
