Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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