Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
