I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
