I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
