do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
