I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
