I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
