Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
there was a trapeze. enough said
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
