Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
