i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
