he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
my shit smells like andre
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
