god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
