i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
God, you're like boner-b-gone
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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