Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
