This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
