You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
