at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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