Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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