apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I just had sex on a roof
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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