I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
