I wannas sexs uuuuu
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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